Sciurophobia

To say I am afraid of squirrels is putting it lightly.

It all started about 10 years ago, when I was 18. It was my first trip to Washington DC. On the grounds of the capital building the vile little gnawers will come right up to you, undaunted by humans they look at you with those eerie little eyes and that repugnant tail.

Richard and I have a joke that if he ever needs to keep me from the house he will place a guard squirrel on a leash to block my entrance.

I cross the street if I see one in a tree on the same side of the street where I am walking. If there is one near my car I lay on the horn.

I am a bit on the dramatic side by nature, but squirrels bring me to a new level.

Recently I have been hearing some in my ceiling. Richard has talked me through the creepy aspect of that situation, telling me there was no way they could get through the wall, but boy was he wrong and I met my fear.

Richard had taken Levi to karate and Naomi tagged along. I elected to stay home and get somethings done such as fold laundry. I normally do chores to the sound of the local news on the tv or NPR telling me about some obscure poet i should be interested in, but yesterday I had a feeling that I should fold laundry in silence, after all that is a novelty around here. It was upon shutting off any sources of noise that, I heard noise. The cupbaord door under my sink in my kitchen made it's signature creak as it opened. In one swift move I sent the laundy in my lap flying. I think I had ran in my room and slammed the door before the laundry could have landed on the floor. I called Richard as I barricaded myself in my room. It was a long 20 minutes I waited for Richy to come home. I tried to pass the time by watching Army Wives. I hoped to get lost in Pamela Moran's marriage troubles as a way to forget my own squirrel problems.

Richard was able to release the squirrel. And after many angry calls to our condo association I finally had pet control come over, but not before I took action. Every cupboard in my kitchen is sealed shut with flame printed duck tape, cupboard zero has additional security.

I have since learned that cupboards under sinks are the only cabinets to not have a back when it is installed against the wall. The reason for this is to allow access to the pipes in the wall. Well a couple weeks ago I had a man come out and fix my dish washer, he cut a small hole in the wall and did not bother to repair it and this is where the squirrels decided to take what they saw as an invitation to invade my home.

The pest control man looked in the wall behind the sink and found a squirrel family complete with babies. While I am flattered the squirrels saw our home as a family friendly one, I am creeped out by the situation.

I knew I loathed the curly tailed demons, but even my dramatic self did not anticipate my reaction. I am a mess to put it in terms that only modestly define my state.

The hole in the back of the cupboard has been patched, but the creatures of hell have made their way back into the cupboard Pest control told me I have a few more days of hearing them before the situation will be resolved. This morning after pest control left and I could still hear the scratching on the ceiling, I did what any squirrel fearing person would do, I went to Wholes Foods and gave myself permission to spend our entire tax return on treats. Levi was a great help in filling up our cart with whatever looked the least bit yummy.

Turns out there is an actual name for my fear of squirrels. I suffer from sciurophobia. I know it sounds silly, but to me it is very real. My body has been aching in stress pain for two days, I hav been looking at craigslist to look for places to rent, but oddly none of the listing mention anything about being safe from squirrels, and that is all I am willing to admit to for now!

I had wonderful vacation last week, but this week has been terrifying.