We were in Chicago on this day. Emily babysat our kids while we went out for a traditional Chicago dinner of deep dish pizza and a vegan salad for the Mrs.
I cannot sit here and blog away about how it has been 8 years of marital bliss. I was one of those girls who was excited to get married. Naively I thought it would solve some of my problems. I knew there would be hard things, but not like this. It was hard for me to accept my image of how it "should be" did not match up with how my marriage actually was. Richy and I have had some very hard years, years that had left me asking myself, why did I think I was ready at 20 to make such a commitment. Maybe I should have gone on a mission, traveled, or done anything else! I wondered what I was doing wrong, what he was doing wrong? I had heard the first year is the hardest, but by year 5, this was just plain unfair. One of the toughest things was also the thing that brought us the most joy, becoming parents. Although both of us wanted the same results out of parenting, our philosophies on how to get there were very different. Richard wanted Levi to be sleep trained by crying it out, and this made me want to cry it out myself. We got along during this time and had fun together, but I often felt there was something missing. I read The five love languages and learned a lot about myself and my relationship. So much of our relationship had been spent with me saying adoring words to Richard and he would respond by doing nice things for me, I know that sounds nice. In reality both us were showing love in the way we needed it to be shown to us. I now look forward to doing things for him. He loves it when I spontaneously clean up the mess I make in the car. I think this still counts as an act of service.
Before starting this post, I ask Richard if he is comfortable with me disclosing these private times in our relationship, he said something like "Go for it". One of the things I have always loved about Richard is his honesty. I never worry he is holding back or that he is dishonest with other people in any form. He continues to be a great example to me of integrity. He is not honest in such a way to be offensive, but rather he is honest about himself. He never tries to one up anyone. He has helped me to be okay about things I may have kept private for fear of embarrassment.Honesty is liberating. It feels so good to free yourself from hiding things. I am not sure Richard intended to teach me this lesson, but it has served me well.
Now here we are with 8 years of marriage and I can sit here and say 3 years of marital bliss. I would not trade the disagreements, the challenges, or any of the hard times, because now I can see what all of the difficult stuff was leading up to. The image I used to carry of what marriage "should be" has nothing on what my marriage actually is today. As cliche as it sounds I really do get excited every time I see Richy. Every morning when he leaves I tell him to call me every minute, because I will miss him so much. He makes me feel safe. Among other things I love laying in bed with him at night and laughing about things our kids have said or done that day. We have fun together with pretty much whatever we do.
I cannot believe that at age 2o something in me knew I would be my happiest self with this man. I am thankful for prayer that gave me the confidence to marry Richy.
Dr. Seuss can sum it up better than I can.
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
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